Life, Such as it is
by Onigami Nanashi
Summary: NickWarrick, so take your leave if that doesn't sit well. It's pretty much a bunch of little stories inspired by lyrics to Meat Loaf. They're from G a gentle R and humor to angst. Spoilers for Gum Drops and the end of season 5.


A/N: Wow… That attached itself to my head and wouldn't let go. I don't think I've ever done anything like it before, but there's got to be a first time, yah? Warrick/Nick, I guess you'd know that already… So, sit back and enjoy, I hope. I guess this is just a collection of drabbles. I honestly have no idea what it is, and what my point for is was, but I had to get it down.

Lyrics from Meat Loaf's "For Crying Out Loud". I own nothing, as much as I'd like to claim the opposite.

I was lost till you were found  
But I never knew how far down  
I was falling  
Before I reached the bottom  
I was cold and you were fire  
And I never knew how the pyre  
Could be burning  
On the edge of the ice field

Warrick rolled over onto his stomach and watched his lover sleep. If what Nicky managed to do could be called 'sleep'. Nightmares plagued him at all hours and didn't seem to care that he had work and hadn't had a decent night's sleep since those fateful 24 hours that happened so long ago, yet seemed to happen only yesterday.

It had been four months exactly, now that Warrick thought hard on it. Four months since he had realized he was lost without the lanky Texan. Four months since a series of events correlated to take the man he loved away from him. Four months since the center of his life nearly left him wandering in a fog. And three months and 28 days since the love of his life knew whose universe he was center of.

Warrick knew his colleagues thought of him as cool and collected, even when working on the cases that shook everyone. He was the counterbalance to Nick's almost fanaticism when something got to his heart, which was fairly often for a CSI. But the truth was, Nick had gotten to his heart and ripped it out whenever he was in pain. Warrick wondered how Nick could stay so emotional about his cases, especially while working with the dark skinned man for so long. He truly realized the depth of his feelings for the Texan when he blew up at Greg and felt empty.

For all that Warrick held his feelings close to him, he felt every one of the deaths that he looked into. But standing there with Greg in the warehouse, he realized that his emotional safeguard had slammed shut and left him lashing out at those who cared nearly as much as he did.

* * *

And the now chilly california wind  
Is blowing down our bodies again  
And we're sinking deeper and deeper into the chilly california sand  
Oh I know you belong inside my aching heart  
And can't you see my faded levis bursting apart  
And don't you hear me crying:  
Oh babe, don't go  
And don't you hear me screaming:  
How was I to know? 

Nick unconsciously huddled closer to his partner as the wind from the ocean picked up speed.

"It's cold out here." He complained, grabbing another of the blankets from the pile near the bonfire.

Greg grinned, rolling up the cuffs of his jeans and walking towards the water. "This is the best of California, man. It's great weather for surfing." Greg's boyfriend Ryan rolled his eyes at the other couple, silently agreeing with the (saner) majority.

Warrick grinned as the water hit the blonde mans' feet and got the reaction they all had been hoping for. He froze in shock at the temperature of the salty water and ran back to the fire.

"It's better with a wetsuit." Greg claimed, sitting on the sand and sticking his feet as close to the fire as they could get.

Ryan sat next to Greg, sharing body heat as well as victory. "Now, what did we tell you about the water? Oh, yes. 'Greg, it's nearly December, the water's gonna be cold.'"

Warrick grinned. "He's got a point, man. I do remember those words being said." He ducked the jacket that flew his way and returned to Nick.

The couples sat in silence and watched the sun set. Warrick noticed tears running down Nick's face and went into over protective boyfriend mode. "Nick, what's wrong?" He asked, completely ignoring the two men sitting slightly behind and to the side. Emotions were there, and nothing to be ashamed of.

"Nothing's wrong." Nick managed, smiling slightly as Greg pulled Ryan to his feet and went about looking for seals. "This was one of the things that I said I wanted to do when I got old, and one of the things that flashed through my mind while I was in the box." Nick's voice caught on the last words, as it usually did, and Warrick felt surges of guilt, as he usually did.

"I tried so hard to let you know that I was there." The darker haired man said, tears of his own starting to fall. "I had loved you for so long that I was completely terrified that I was going to lose you over a stupid coin toss. I tried so hard to let you know. If I'd known what that one gamble would have gotten me, I wouldn't have ever started." Nick kissed the side of Warricks' mouth.

They sat in silence and watched the stars come out, beacons of hope for those less fortunate than them, for those still wishing for true love, for that one person to appear. Neither took a wish from the stars, allowing others the opportunity. After all, they had each other, and what else did they need?

* * *

I'm in the middle of nowhere  
Near the end of the line  
But there's a border to somewhere waiting  
And there's a tankful of time  
Oh give me just another moment to see the light of the day  
And take me to another land where I don't have to stay 

Nick thrashed in the box, knowing it wouldn't do him any good, unable to stop. The light went on yet again, and he growled at the thing, slowly making the connection between the light and the fan. He knew, somehow, that the light needed to go, and went about doing that, not knowing the torment he caused aboveground.

Once the light was out, Nick cracked one of the glow sticks and turned his head as if to watch the blessed air that infused him both with oxygen and hope. Breathing the blessedly cool air, Nick let his thoughts turn to more pressing matters.

Apparently, he turned too far inward because when he opened his eyes again, the meager green light was gone, and Nick wondered how he'd ever work on graveyard again. But the answer came to him in the most surprising place. It wasn't exactly a flash of blinding light, but it had the same effect. Warrick. Warrick was his sun. That's how.

* * *

And I'm gonna need somebody to make me feel like you do  
And I will receive somebody with open arms, open eyes,  
Open up the sky and let the planet that I love shine through 

Warrick sat in the waiting room of Desert Palms, watching life go on outside. Inside the walls of the medical center, life stopped. Of course, lives were lost and gained, but life as an independent organism stopped. The other CSIs from graveyard had been by for varying lengths of time, but Warrick had never left. Catherine brought him clothes and toiletries, Lindsay brought him a book, Greg brought him a Thermos of Blue Hawaiian, Sara brought him food, and Grissom, well, Grissom brought advice.

Nick's parents refused to leave the room, all advice and doctor's orders aside. They had Nick to themselves for the first time in God knows how many years, and they weren't gonna give him up without a fight. CSIs and reporters alike were barred from the room with a fury that would have made Euripides proud. Quite frankly, the whole of the graveyard shift was getting a little irritated at the censorship.

Greg wanted to see his older brother, Warrick wanted to see the love of his life, Catherine wanted to see her son, Grissom wanted to see Nick, Sara wanted to see her family, and they weren't being allowed to. Finally Catherine went in past the guards with her case in hand and gently but firmly kicked the elder Stokes out under the pretense that she needed to collect trace.

The minute the silver of Mr. Stokes' hair disappeared down the hall to the cafeteria, Catherine held the door open for the rest of Nick's family to file into the room. Nick opened his eyes to the sound of many footsteps and managed a wan smile. Warrick had to restrain his impulses to join Nick on the narrow bed, coworkers or no coworkers family or no family. He didn't think the other man would appreciate it much. Until he met Nick's eyes and had to touch him somewhere to confirm that he hadn't pulled a dream out of the ground.

He grabbed Nick's outstretched hand for a moment before collapsing onto one of the chairs by the bed. He glanced out the window, grinning at the rain, not realizing Nick was watching him, watching the sun beneath the clouds.

* * *

For crying out loud  
You know I love you  
For crying out loud  
You know I love you  
For crying out loud  
You know I love you 

Warrick dug frantically through the dirt that housed Nick, grateful for the team at his back, unaware of the complete hopelessness that filled the dirt beneath him. This was not the way he'd envisioned him being on top. The clunk of metal on plastic filled him with more happiness than he thought he'd ever experienced.

Seeing Nick with the gun to his chin for a second time in that many days filled him with hatred, sadness, fear, all of the above. Even with the gun to his chin, gum in his orifices, and ant bites everywhere, Nick was still the best looking son of a bitch Warrick thought he'd ever seen. All he could think of, and say was "Put that down". And he repeated it until something more appropriate came to mind. "We got you". The three most beautiful words he thought he'd ever get to say.

* * *

I was damned and you were saved  
And I never knew how enslaved  
I was kneeling  
In the chains of my master 

Warrick would do anything for Nick, protect him to the ends of the earth, which was why he found himself on the couch of said man's house, listening to the sounds of a nightmare's retreat in the bathroom. The green eyed man sighed at the darkness, worried that Nick hadn't gotten him up. Again. That was the deal. Nick would wake him up for anything, no matter how small, if Warrick stayed on the couch. And Nick wasn't holding up his end of the bargain.

He heaved himself off the couch and padded towards the kitchen before making his way to the toilet shrine. Nick had fallen asleep leaning against the tub. Again. Warrick shook his head slightly at the picture the man made before throwing the damp towel on the counter and shaking Nick awake.

"Nick. C'mon man. You gotta get back to bed. The bathroom floor can't be comfortable." He heaved the semi-conscious man to his feet and supported him back to the bedroom. Leading the Texan to his bed, Warrick went back to the bathroom and swiped the towel before finding the occupant of the bed looking fully awake.

"'Rick? What are you doing?" Nick mumbled. "Go home, man."

Warrick handed him the towel, and sat on the edge of the bed. Nick in the middle of the night often tried to get rid of Warrick, though some of the attempts seemed rather half hearted. "Nah, man. You aren't getting rid of me that easily. You need anything? Water? Pills?" He watched Nick's reaction, rather than try to rely on spoken word.

"Go to sleep." The Texan accent deepened depending on how tired Nick was. Warrick thought he'd have a good chance of sleeping without the pills, considering the twang that was evident in that little conversation. Even still, he stayed for half an hour after Nick had fallen asleep, captivated by this man in his life.

* * *

I could laugh but you could cry  
And I never knew just how high  
I was flying  
Ah, with you right above me 

When Nick finally went back to work, everybody seemed as though they were waiting for the fallout from the 'incident'. Those really close to the man did the best they could to keep things normal, but all the others who had been involved treated him as though he were made of glass. Warrick and Greg joked around with him, Catherine tried not to mother him, Sara tried not to be too overprotective, and Grissom was completely clueless. Warrick thought that the best thing he could do for his best friend was laugh and joke and be like he always was.

When shift ended, and the techs and officers and secretaries let the poor man escape Warrick was waiting by Nicks' truck. Tears were falling freely by the time the owner of said truck made his way across the parking lot. Warrick sighed inwardly at the pain his best friend was going through and held his hand out for the keys.

"There's no way you're driving home like that." Warrick commented as the other man dug around in his pockets for the keys. He handed them over without complaint and got into the passenger's side.

Warrick managed to keep his eyes on the road for a grand total of half the time they were moving through the streets of Las Vegas. The tears hadn't stopped coming, only lessened or flowed more freely as Nick revisited the memories of the day. Warrick finally pulled up in front of the building he had been making his home in and cut the engine. Neither made any move to exit the truck and neither felt any inclination to speak.

Warrick never realized how crushed he felt when Nick cried. He always thought that if it would make the Texan feel better, he would feel better. And maybe that was the case, but the didn't explain the pain somewhere deep in his gut that came when the tears fell. He'd never had the time to think about it before, really. There'd always been some pressing reason for the tears that he'd had to take care of. But in the gentle silence of the truck, there was nothing. He watched Nick and the tear tracks that were the only indication of his inner turmoil and made his decision. He reached across the space of the front seat and cupped Nick's cheek in one hand, brushing the tears away with a long, graceful thumb.

Nick opened his eyes and looked over, questions forming and dying in his throat.

* * *

For crying out loud  
You know I love you  
For crying out loud  
You know I love you  
For crying out loud  
You know I love you 

Warrick hadn't wanted to, had in fact resisted with all his might, but when Nick was caught on an idea, there was no turning back. The house was clean, the decorations were up, and the food was being worked on. Christmas at the Stokes-Brown residence that year would be one not to be forgotten for many a year.

Bobby, Greg, Ryan, and Catherine were supervising the activity in the kitchen, mainly the workings of Archie, Sara, Jaqui and Mia. Grissom was in charge of making sure the presents all went to the same place and stayed there. Lindsay and Jesse were far too interested in the contents to be trusted on their own. Bobby had already tried once and failed to contain his little girl. As for Bobby's other half, the one supposed to be watching Jesse? On the couch with Nick, watching some silly boys run around with a ball that was neither spherical nor bouncy. Brass had joined that merry little group, Jaqui not too far behind, the highers up in the kitchen deeming her work complete. Warrick stood and marveled at the tree that occupied an entire corner of the room.

Nick vacated his spot on the sofa for Jaqui and came to stand behind his partner. "Are you still regretting this?" The shorter man asked, slipping his arms around Warricks' waist.

"Not at all." The man replied in all seriousness. "I don't know what I was so against in the first place. This is family. This is Christmas." He turned to give Nick a kiss, but was interrupted by a loud gasp and squeal of disgust.

The two men looked down at Bobby and Ian's little girl in bemusement. "Is something wrong Jesse?" Nick asked worriedly.

The little girl looked up in indignation. "Kisses! Kisses icky!" She stormed off, nearly tripping Grissom, who at that moment had rounded a corner looking for her. The older man looked at his CSIs much like he looked at his bugs.

"Kissing? In front of the children?" The grey haired man asked dryly. He took his duties very seriously. Nick laughed and kissed Warrick quickly before stepping away from his lover and heading towards the kitchen.

Warrick caught Grissom's eye as they both watched Nick banter with the lab techs. "You're good for him." Their supervisor admitted, "I'm proud of you both. I don't think I say it enough, but I am." And with that, he returned to Jesse watching duty.

Warrick didn't know what to say to that, so he joined the crowd in the kitchen, his family, his loved ones surrounding him, filling the house.

* * *

For taking in the rain when I'm feeling so dry  
For giving me the answers when I'm asking you why  
And my oh my  
For that I thank you 

For all the years that followed his stint in the ground, Nick Stokes hated the feel of dirt on his skin. His favorite thing, besides Warrick, was to walk in the rain and feel the drops and the wetness and the pureness of it. Whenever it rained in Vegas, which admittedly, wasn't that often, Warrick would join his lover outdoors for hours on end, or however long the rains lasted. At crime scenes, at home, at the lab, wherever Nick was and it happened to start raining, he would be outside in a flash, laughing and dancing and puddle jumping, and generally acting like a child.

Nick had to explain it to Warrick after the first few showers. "The rain washes away the feeling of the dirt. It's so much nicer than dirt. I don't know. It also reminds me of a quote I heard somewhere once. 'Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet.' I guess that reminds me not to take things for granted." Warrick smiled at his lovers philosophy and tried his best not to take him for granted, but promised that he would walk anywhere in the rain with him.

* * *

For taking in the sun when I'm feeling so cold  
For giving me a child when my body is old  
And don't you know  
For that I need you 

"'Rick?" Nick called out sleepily. He looked around the room, blackout curtains wide open, letting the sun of Las Vegas stream into the room. It wasn't noise that woke him, it was a lack thereof. He rolled out of bed and padded down the hall to the living room, where there were signs of life.

"Nick? Sorry if I woke you." The green eyed man looked up from the couch.

Nick sat beside him, pulling the taller man down so his head was pillowed on Nick's lap. "You should have gotten me up. What's wrong?"

"Rough case. Parents killed each other while their two year old watched. He's in child protective services now, but what kind of life is that?" Warrick tried not to let the tears fall, but was entirely unsuccessful.

Nick shifted so he was lying with his lover on the couch. "If he had you looking after him, I'm sure he'll be fine." He whispered, breath warm against Warrick's neck. Warrick shivered, and Nick pulled him closer, sharing body heat as well as love.

"We came on scene and patrol told us they had searched the house and that it was clear, so Greg and I were dusting in the bedroom, and I heard a noise from the closet. I pulled my gun and yelled for whoever it was to come out, but they didn't and—I pulled my gun on that little boy. He was just trying to hide in the closet with his bear and I—" Warrick's voice broke and shudders wracked his body as Nick held on for both of them.

As the tremors subsided, Nick pulled Warrick to his feet. "Come on. The blackout curtains in the bedroom were open, so I know the bed'll be warm." The taller man leaned heavily on his lover for support as the walked down the hall to warmth and light.

* * *

For coming to my room when you know I'm alone  
For finding me a highway and driving me home  
And you gotta know  
For that I serve you 

They'd both been working overtime, and day shift was swamped with cases, meaning everybody was out in the field. Nick grinned ferally as he watched Warrick finish the last of his paperwork and head for the locker room. The brown haired man followed, certain that the locker room would be deserted for a while.

Warrick spun the combination lock on his locker, thankful to be going home. He stiffened as arms wrapped themselves around his waist, but relaxed after the owner of said arms whispered in his ear.

"There's no one here. I think we should make good use of the time." Nick all but purred into his lover's ear.

Warrick turned enough to see the gleam in brown eyes and smirked, feeling some of the stress of the day flee in fear of what would be coming. He licked his lips in anticipation, feeling Nick pull himself flush with his lover's back.

"And that's why I told you you didn't want my help." Bobby's annoyed voice echoed in the locker room as the gun wizard entered, talking to someone over his shoulder.

"Ah—" His decidedly southern accent more than conveyed the embarrassment he felt at walking in on his friends. "Sorry… Mia tried to get my help in an experiment and…" He trailed off, trying to find the quickest route out.

Mia looked around Bobby and squealed with delight. "No. You're not. Not in the locker room." For all her accusatory tone, she couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face.

Warrick sighed and Nick put some space between them. "What's it going to take?" The green eyed man asked the techs.

Mia's response was immediate. "Dinner. My choice. Bobby, want to come?" The ballistics expert grinned. "Both of us. Both of you. Kapeesh?"

The men nodded. "Just let us know when."

* * *

For pulling me away when I'm starting to fall  
For revving me up when I'm starting to stall  
And all in all  
For that I want you 

They'd all tried to stay objective during the McBride case. They'd all wanted to hope that Cassie was alive, but hope like that was dangerous in their field of work. Nick had believed, and that had him exploding at suspects, bowling over anyone remotely in his way and generally being an ass. Warrick had tried to talk to him, to see what was wrong, but was stonewalled. Even threatening to abstain for the whole of the trip didn't seem to faze the CSI. As something of a last resort, Warrick locked them both in their hotel room and resolved to hash it out.

"What is with you, man?" He'd asked, trying to look into the other man's eyes. "You're acting pretty weird. Was it because I was talking about Tina? You know why I married her. You know it changes nothing between us."

Nick looked away, refusing to make eye contact. "It's not that. There's just something about the case. I know she's alive. And she's out there waiting for us to come help her. To get her out of her nightmare." Tears began to run down the sides of Nick's face. "Nobody will believe me when I tell them she's alive. We have to find her."

Warrick cupped Nick's face in one hand and forced the Texan to meet his eyes. "I believe you. We will find her, yeah? But you need to smarten up about the way you go about this. I heard about what happened in the interrogation room. That could put your career into some deep shit, man."

Nick nodded. "It's just that I want to find her so damn bad." He whispered. "But thanks for the advice. I think I needed it."

The two relied on each other for everything, including objectivity, but Warrick couldn't help but feel a huge sense of relief when Nick was able to visit the little girl.

* * *

For taking and for giving and for playing the game  
For praying for my future in the days that remain  
Oh lord  
For that I hold you 

The first thing Warrick had requested when they'd moved in together was a basketball hoop. Sure the neighbors might be a little irritated at a game of hoops at 6 or 7 in the morning, but they would do well to remember these boys knew how to dispose of a body.

It was during one of these early morning sessions after an interesting case involving a can of whipped cream, a bottle of vodka, and a particularly interesting joke that the ball rebounded out into the street. Without thinking, Warrick dashed after it, assuming that there would be no traffic that early in a residential area.

Nick barely had time to yell a warning before Warrick realized the predicament he was in. He looked at the oncoming car in horror before glancing back at his lover and flinging himself out of the way. He was mostly successful. Instead of the car catching him full on, it slammed into his legs and flung him around, sending him to the pavement in a violence saved for movies. Nick screamed at both the car and his lover, already moving across the pavement. He scrabbled for his cell phone, taking a sight nobody should ever have to see. Warrick lay still on the pavement, blood collecting at his hands and face.

He flung himself to his knees, mindless of anything except the damn phone and Warrick. He finally extracted the cell and dialed 911, cursing the driver of the car and feeling for a pulse. The operator answered, rebutting all of Nick's gasped instructions with ones of her own. Somehow, between the two of them, an ambulance found it's way to their street and joined the crowd of neighbors gathered around. Paramedics worked quickly but gently getting Warrick into the back of their ambulance while Nick stood in shocked silence.

Screaming lights and wailing sirens heralded the entrance to the hospital. Nick frowned slightly at the speed at which they had arrived, departing the bus after the stretcher. Catherine met him at the doors, hair slightly frazzled. She explained that Nick had called her and told her to meet him at Desert Palms because something had happened. And Nick collapsed in fear at her feet, waking to find Warrick in casts and braces, but more worried about him than the dark skinned man had any right to be.

Nick read him the riot act once he was allowed out of his bed and into the others'. All he knew was that he had Warrick, and he was never letting go, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

Ah but most of all  
For cryin' out loud  
For that I love you 

"Ah, I know this is a big thing to ask you guys, but Ryan and I are going to Norway to get married, and we were kind of wondering if you would go with us." Greg scuffed the toe of his shoe against the floor of the break room, hands shoved in his pockets. "If you don't want to, we totally understand, but we thought… you might…"

Ryan grinned nervously at his lover and turned to the other couple. "What Greg's trying to say is that he'd really love it if you two were there. You've all become family to us, and we'd love to have everyone there, but that won't work out so well, and we are going to have a ceremony in Las Vegas, but it would mean a lot to have you come with us."

"Yeah. We can pay for everything, and all you'd have to do is get the time off, which I know in itself is asking a lot, but—" The blonde man was cut off by both his friends.

"No." Nick began, watching how Greg's face fell.

"We can pay for everything ourselves." Warrick continued, laughing slightly at the younger CSIs reaction.

The blonde man became a bundle of energy, first hugging his fiancé, then Warrick, then Nick. The two older men shared smiles. "So, Nick. Norway, huh?"

The Texan grinned, wagging a ring finger. "We've been together longer than these munchkins."

"Hey, Greg, Ryan. Mind if we join you?"

* * *

When you're crying out loud  
You know I love you 

Warrick never thought of himself as an emotional man. He could count the number of times he'd truly cried on one hand. But then that number skyrocketed between the ordeal of Nick being buried, their marriage, and now the ceremony that they were having for friends and family. It wasn't close to a traditional ceremony, which suited the men fine. The two had said vows, but most of the time was devoted to a party of sorts. The whole of the lab was there, putting off sleep for the chance to socialize outside of the glass walls.

Others from work, friends from, well, work, family, everyone was invited. Those who were on the clock snuck in for what time they could and were sent away with food to last years.

Nick found Warrick talking to Greg about the most recent version of Madden and shooed the younger man to his own. Warrick turned to him laughing at the blonde's parting shot, and found himself speechless as his lips were captured in a warm but chaste kiss.

"I love you." Nick pulled back just enough to whisper, and Warrick felt the words as much as heard them.

"Love you too."

-Fin


End file.
